I might call off the wedding

[jcarrero]

Im so upset right now, I am in tears. I've been really stressed lately with the wedding preparations and on top of that I have a stressful job. I've been doing all the preparations myself, with some help from my bridesmaids. My problem is that I live with my fiance, and he is not helping at all with the wedding or with chores around the house. I work 40 plus hours a week and when I get home, I prepare meals and clean the house, do laundry, etc. It just seems like I do all of the work around the house and he never offers to help me. This morning, I kind of lost it with him because I asked him to vacum the house, and he kept saying "I will, later" but never actually did it. Then I asked him to go to the grocery store for me, since I was doing the laundry and also brought work home to do, and he refused to go.
Needless to say, we got into a screaming match - I said I wasnt getting married to be someone's maid and he said something really hurtful to me... he said "F-U who do you think you are - you're a B**ch" and left the house.

Now Im sitting here crying - I'm distraught and dont know what to do - his words really hurt me. We have three months until our wedding, and I'm not sure we'll make it

[jcarrero]

Thanks for your thoughts. We've been together 4 and a half years now. Its been a bumpy four and a half years (he has a bad temper and this kind of stuff has happened before) but lately it seemed that things were getting much better between us. This all came about because I've been feeling so stressed. His job isnt nearly as stressful as mine. I am a paralegal at a law firm, and I work long hours - I even bring work home with my sometimes. I just dont know what to do.

[jcarrero]

We do talk, but we'll spend a day or two upset at each other. We did go to some counseling when we first got engaged, but my problem is his temper. He's been really good lately, but this morning I couldnt believe what he said to me. I just feel so disrespected - how can you talk to someone you love that way?

[2bmrspage]

My Fh can be like that too. He is lazy when it comes to the house and he hardly helps out. He has admitted that he takes after his father. His father doesn't do a thing. Bruce does at least help cook. He can be kinda mouthy or short tempered. But his whole family is like that. I hate going over there because everyone is rude and negative towards one another. But I have given him guilt trips and he comes to me hugging me and apologizing. Sorry you are going through this stress.

[Swedie]

I'm sorry you're going through this :( Every couple have their issues, but it's hard to draw the line to what one can accept. Could you live with that all your life? People can change, but it doesn't happen very often. Is he open to anger management classes or something else to help him handle his temper. A guy with a bad bad temper could be bad news.

[Chi06Wed]

OMG- sorry you are going through this! You 2 should really talk about things, before making a decision on moving on. you need to let him know that you think he should be responsible for certain chores and you will be responsible for certain chores. and that you want them to be done in a timely manner. if he doesn't respect you now, he may never. FH and I have had quite a few yelling matches, but that was in the past. now that we know what we expect of each other it is better.

[jcarrero]

Thanks guys. We talked it over and he promised me that he would never say those words to me again - he was angry and lost control of his words. He's a wonderful guy, but his temper can really get bad sometimes. Lately things have been great, except for this incident which totally floored me because it came out of left field. Things are back to normal now, and I'm glad we talked it over and he acknowledges he was wrong for what he said. Thanks again for "listening." :o

[Chi06Wed]

Good to hear things are better! Let us know if you need anything else!

[2bmrspage]

Hope he sticks with it and everything turns out ok.

[robandgabrielle]

Honey, listen to what they said above, though. I'm really glad things are better. But what about next time? I tend to use extremes as examples, so here's one: Abused woman say the same things. Oh, he said he's sorry and he's been so nice since. And then they do the same when he hits them again.

They're right. If he's a wonderful guy but he has anger issues that bad, he needs counseling. A great relationship seminar put it this way, and I'll paraphrase: if he's not going to change (ie get help) what you've had for the last 4 1/2 years you can expect to have for the next 80. And that means you have to change to. To someone who won't accept someone who disrespects you. If he loves you, he will do what he needs to do to keep you. If he wants a maid and you won't be one, he won't stay.

And about that, my FH, so his sister tells me, is terrible at cleaning up. But I know my house wouldn't be this clean without him. I just can't. He's helped me from the start. He does most of the cooking and laundry, too. (I tend to forget about my laundry in the washer or dryer.) I HAVE to have a partner. Thankfully, he's willing to be one.

--Gabrielle

[meek0313]

Baby, he said the forbidden word....BITCH. You know that if a man loves you, he will not disrespect you by using that type of language with you. I wish that you both could make it all work out, but I am totally against that word. If he calls you that now, he will definately call you worst names later. Also, if he is being lazy and selfish now, nothing is going to change after the "I DO." It is more to a marriage than the wedding. You have to be prepared to be with this person forever...until death do you part. If I were you, I would have to ask myself "Is this how I want to live the rest of my life." If my answer is H*** NO, then I would definatley give him a choice to make....because that would be so hurtful to get married and then get divorced a year or two later. I wish you luck and happiness, but be sure to weigh your options.
http://washingtonwedding.weddingannouncer.com

[bjandamanda]

You're bringing up issues that happened months ago, and it's confusing me. x-O

[crannberryjenn]

It sucks when things like this happen. But you need to think to yourself. Things might be okay now, but you know it is going to happen again. You need to take sometime to yourself and think, what do I really want. What do I really need. When you have answered these Questions, you need to sit down and talk to your FH. You need to tell him what you need and things need to change. Trust me its not going to go away. It may seem fine now but its going to happen again. You need to do something about it now before getting married to him. I know you love him, but it's better to know now then after you are married. Getting married may seem right now that it is the answer it's not. I hope what i have said here helps :)