What kind of mom do you have?

[Voss102905]

I was just curious because everyone is different but how is your mom as being mother of the bride? Is she controlling over everything? No interest at all? or a happy medium?

My mom is a happy medium, at first she had no interest but we worked through some issues and she helps when I ask for it. or clearly need it. She does not tell me what to do. We were joking last night at this point, yes this day is very special to her because her daughter (youngest and last one) is getting married but she does not feel the need to control anything. She's had her two weddings (my dad and my stepdad), plus my older sis got married 6 years ago. So at this point, it's another wedding and she does not feel she needs to control. Ryan and I are payin for it, Mom and I have completely different tastes and she knows that I know if i need her I will call, email or stop by. She has already gotten a few OH MY GOD what do I do now emails from me and she has calmed me through those. She was there when there were probs with my dress and stood up to the lady at the store. She is there for me to vent to people. but she is not taking control over everything.

i don't think I could relinquish control right now. I never knew the control freak I was until my wedding. I have beent old by a couple people I should pursue wedding planning becuase I like to do it and I don't give up until it is done or right. I am very persistent or stubborn depending on which term you prefer to use, i prefer persistent. :p

[karenswain]

My mum is great! She basically leaves eveything to me (i am kind of a bit controlling as I want to organise everything myself, for some reason I do not trust other people to do exactly what I want!!??) but I know if I need anything she would help me out with it, whatever it is. She shows interest...but not too much....if you know what I mean??? My Mum & Dad are paying for the food at our recption, they have not specified which restaurant we have to go to, we will decide what our final wedding menus will be....and so its kind of relaxed and nice....at the mo...thought we are 1 year away from the wedding....perhaps this will change?? (I hope not!) My mum is also great at organising the grandparents....which actually can be quite stressful at times!

[Voss102905]

I am seriously considering starting by helping my friends to come (two are engaged right now, 2007 weddings) and going from there. I am first of our friends to get married. I get so many comments on my creativity and organization. :) I am only doing this once so I want it to be perfect! and I am like Karen, i don't think I could trust someone to do it the way I want.

Karen--my mom sounds like your mom.

[Cristina]

I am actually having a lot of problems with my mom. She and I have not gotten along for a while because of problems we had before the wedding. We have never been close and can't really talk about stuff. I see my friends hanging out and willingly talking to their moms and I dread our weekly phone calls.

She had a horribly abusive childhood, so she has her own issues. She is from another country and does not know the customs of Americans and weddings. So, she has no clue what to do, and always puts her foot in her mouth when talking to my future in-laws. She has a way of insulting people unintentionally. She sufficates you and sucks the air out of any room when she is in it. I love her, no question. However, I can't allow her in my wedding planning because my stress level would explode through the roof.

My FMIL may be a pain in her own right, but she is providing more guidance in our wedding than my mom because she knows what to because she's been to so many weddings. At least I have her I guess. And boy, does that cause friction between my mom and I - she is insanely envious of FMIL helping us out and feels like I am choosing FMIL over her. <Sigh> Just one more year, thank goodness :rolleyes: Then comes the fights over the grandkids!

[Voss102905]

Cristina:

I am so sorry that you have to deal with that. My mom and I had a rough time before the wedding. Cliffnotes version: parents divorced, she raised me and my stepdad raised me too. i asked my real dad who i ahave since contacted and have a relationship with. a lot of this had to do with he gave fiance a chance, my mom and sd did not like fiance at first and took a while to like him. now mom has realized wiht the help of my sd, that its okay for my dad to give me away. Our relationship has grown.

[Voss102905]

I know there are people like that. I get crap from people like that: it's just one day, it's just a wedding. (my thought it's ONE day that I will hopefully remember with GOOD memories for years to come. It's MY wedding)

[robandgabrielle]

I'm not really sure at this point. I suppose she gets a middle-of-the-road grade.

Like Cristina, I've had problems with my mom pre-wedding (see the post about family stress. My mom was part of that in a BIG way, and not a good way :mad: ). But now she seems to have changed somewhat. She says she doesn't yell and scream anymore and so far, she hasn't. Still, I can't seem to get her excited about my upcoming wedding except just a little. I e-mailed her a pic of me in my wedding dress and she wrote back that it was beautiful. She said she will help me with the flowers. She told Sister 1 I didn't have to have a rehearsal dinner at all. She also told Sister 1 that it was my wedding and though it hurt a little bit that I had Ruby as a new mother and therefore co-mother-of-the-bride, she would be okay with it because it was my wedding.

On the other hand, she also tried to downgrade the wedding. The ushers don't have to be in suits. My brother (who will walk me down the aisle) doesn't need to be a tux. Neither does the ring bearer. He doesn't even have to be in a suit. A pair of pants and a nice shirt will do fine.

Um...no. But we'll worry about that later.

She didn't come to my engagement party/gathering at the Renfest because she had a parade with her motorcycle group. She didn't want to go looking for flowers with me when Jo-Ann's had a great sale on all bridal flowers (silk. I'm allergic.). I was really hoping she would and I could actually have a little mom-and-daughter time with her. Sigh.

Then there's Ruby, my new mom. She adopted me last year at age 32. Not legally, of course, but spiritually and emotionally. She is my mom. And without her, I might not have any relationship with my mother at all. She provides what I couldn't get from my mom. Love, acceptance, support, comfort. She is now going to be my Matron of Honor since Sister 1 is out and that means mother doesn't have to share MOB, but MOH is a more honorable position so I'm okay with it.

Ruby, as a Mother-of-the-Bride, is wonderful. She's known about Rob and my relationship from the start. She's been there when I had questions, gave me advice. She's excited about my wedding and about how happy I am. And she doesn't pressure me about ANYTHING. Big or small. She's perfect! :)

[Cristina]

She's like your Fairy Godmother! I love that! :D I'm glad that you have Ruby there for you.

[JoChelle78]

My Mom is wonderful!!! She said she will help whenever I need her to and ask for it, but other than that has not tried to butt in at all. She called me 2 days ago and said if I really wanted to have my reception at the "reception hall" I had found (and was way outta my price range) that she would pay for it but not to tell anyone! She is the best!!!! Her financial situation isn't very good so I wouldn't do that to her, but I LOVE the fact that she offered! I am now planning to do the reception at a fire department we rented (of course trucks and all will be moved lol) but it isnt what I wanted but it is what I have to settle for!!:( My sis in law & brother keep making cracks about it being at the fire dept like saying "why you want fancy dresses when the reception is at the fire dept ~ that is so redneck". That hurts my feelings alot but I just smile and bare it and tell them I have to pay for this wedding I don't have a Daddy who will pay for it for me!:( but anyway my Mom is great!! I couldn't ask for a better one, she is my best friend!!! FMIL on the other hand has NOTHING to do with it, she isn't even coming!! Her loss!!

[Jacoby2Seelen]

What kind of mother do I have??!!??

I have the one that is doing EVERYTHING!!!!!!! Sometimes kinda controlling. . .but always backs down and says "it is your wedding, so I want you to be happy." She has done SOOOOOO much though!!!!!!!!

She is finishing the invites and the maps to put in some of them as we speak (or actually, as I type this!). YEAH. . . That is one load off the shoulders. . .those darn invites!!!!!!!!!

[shoehurl]

My mum....that's an interesting one. I asked her to make my dress and my birdesmaids dresses and she's happy to do it. other than that, she's not really involved...she's too worried about her new husband and visiting him. Even though she keeps complaining that she can't see her grand-daughter, she still doesn't make time on the weekends, when I'm available. She's always going 2hrs away to visit her husband who lives with his parents. I still haven't figured out why they HAD to get married this year instead of after my wedding next year. Sorry...this is becoming a complaint fest...

For the most part she's ok with everything but keeps getting her nose in a twist when I ask her if there's anyone she wants us to invite seeing as his parents have requested people. Is it weird for people to get all retarded (for alck of better word) about costs for the wedding when they're not paying? Talk about odd.

[mistylark]

My mom lives 400+ miles away and is not financially able to help. Our wedding is going to be way more formal than what most in my family do (usually is JOP or a small come if you want to ceremony with a gathering at someone's house), so she's not used to most of what I am doing. She says it makes her nervous bc she's afraid she won't know what to do. I tell her all she has to do is be there.

She has done very well with what I have asked her for advice on. I keep her and FMIL (lives 3 hours away) on the same page by emailing them and asking for ideas/advice. I am quite pleased with how it is going personally. I think their level of involvement is just right. They are there when I need them, but don't push me into a corner.

[Chi06Wed]

My mom is the greatest. Since we live 2000+ miles away from where the wedding is being held, she is doing my leg work and meeting with some of the people, checked out reception sites... she is so incredibly helpful. She isn't controlling in the slightest bit. She will only give her input if I ask for it, and doesn't try to push any of her ideas on to me :D

[TwelveGrains]

My dad is a pastor, and has major issues with me not going to church any more, living with FH, and the fact that I'm 19 years younger than FH doesn't help. Dad has pretty much said that he's not going to walk me down the aisle, and he may not even be at the wedding. That said, mom is in a difficult position, because she wants to be involved in her only daughter's wedding, but she also wants to respect her husband.

Mom and dad aren't paying anything for the wedding, and FH and I moved about 300 miles away from them a few months ago, so there's not really a lot that she can do except for when I'm visiting, but I can tell when I talk to her that she wants to be more involved.

What really sucks is that we never really got along when I was growing up, and now we're closer than ever and she's not really able to help me like she wants to. Hopefully my dad will stop being such a dumb-ass and let my mom help me with the wedding... God knows I'll take as much help as I can get!

[Bianca]

My dad is a pastor, and has major issues with me not going to church any more, living with FH, and the fact that I'm 19 years younger than FH doesn't help. Dad has pretty much said that he's not going to walk me down the aisle, and he may not even be at the wedding. That said, mom is in a difficult position, because she wants to be involved in her only daughter's wedding, but she also wants to respect her husband.

Mom and dad aren't paying anything for the wedding, and FH and I moved about 300 miles away from them a few months ago, so there's not really a lot that she can do except for when I'm visiting, but I can tell when I talk to her that she wants to be more involved.

What really sucks is that we never really got along when I was growing up, and now we're closer than ever and she's not really able to help me like she wants to. Hopefully my dad will stop being such a dumb-ass and let my mom help me with the wedding... God knows I'll take as much help as I can get!

Wow, that's really tough. I hope it works out, and you at least have your mother there with you. Keep us updated.

[Bianca]

My mom is really great with the wedding. We live about 2000 miles away from each other, so that makes it kinda tough. And where FH and I are getting married isn't in either my state or my parents state...

My mom is helping out with the wedding, by doing things I've asked her to do and giving me advice when I ask. She never tries to control anything, but is very excited about the wedding. I always call her and ask for her advice, and she's always there to help. I got us both subscriptions to the Martha Stewart Wedding's magazine, and she always looks through it with me (over the phone). She's also going to design the invitations. We've experiences a small amount of frusturation over that, but mostly because I am quite picky. But I know that I can trust her judgement, she is, afterall, an artist. :)

My dad seems to enjoy hearing about the wedding plans, but prefers to leave the plannig to us! :)

[robandgabrielle]

She's like your Fairy Godmother! I love that! :D I'm glad that you have Ruby there for you.

Me, too! Saying she's a godsend is not at all exaggerating! :)

[Jacoby2Seelen]

Well, here is a perfect example of what kind of Mom I have.

SO, we worked on invites on Thursday. She didn't buy enough stamps, so we weren't even half way done with the invites. I go home for my "b-day party" Sunday evening and everything is done. . .and she mailed them today!!!!!!!

She is HEAVEN sent, definitely!!!!!!

Then today, she went with me to a bra store to get my bra for my dress. Then she went with me to a lady's house who is working on my bustle. Then she offered to take my FI and I downtown for e-pics (long story short: there was a pep rally (GO CARDS) that was today, and she was going to drop us off in front of the stadium (Where FI wanted pics) and drive around until we were done. Which is about an hour drive for her. Then tomorrow (Or today rather, because it is 1:30 in the morning) she is going to be with me for hair trial. Then driving me to STL (50 minute drive) for pics and then driving me home. AND. . . she owns her own cake shop, and does 10-12 weddings per week, so it isn't like she doesn't have anything to do!!!

She is taking off TWO weeks before my wedding to help me with stuff.
Also. . the day before my wedding she is doing my wedding cake, delivering it (We had to rent a room off to the side to put it in) then going to rehearsal and dinner, etc. . . and being the mother of the bride. . .

Okay I just can't even begin to describe all that she has done and will be doing!!!!!!! She goes ABOVE AND BEYOND!!!!!

[crannberryjenn]

I get along with my mom very well. She has always had it when ever i need to talk to someone she will listen to me. Since I am older now we get along so much better then when i was a teenager. I thought I knew everything. I know nothing lol.

[tomerikandlinda]

Only thing my mom does is to nagg on msn for updates on what's going on :D

We live in two different countries, and for most of it she has just had a "Please keep me up to date on what's going on" attitude. :) Same with FH's mom.

[linnyleer]

No interest at all.

[nickplusjessequalslove]

My Mom is superb! (I had to find a word that noone else called their Mommy!)

She's been really good even though she didn't really think my bridesmaids wearing black would be the best way to go!

My Dad took me down to the States to get my dress and it happened to be on a day when my Mom was working. She was soo upset! She still hasn't seen it! Annyways she's been good, she asks if I need help and if I do she helps if I don't then she just sits back and is happy that things are almost done!

[anschuier]

I'm an only child, so I've always been very close to BOTH parents. In recent years, though, I've become more close to my mom.

She is my rock. Whenever I need to talk, she's always there. AND she's been great with wedding planning, too. I've been delegating tasks to her, and she gets them done within minutes/hours/days! She rocks my socks!

Even though when I was younger our relationship was a little rocky, she's the bomb dot com now!

[nickplusjessequalslove]

she's the bomb dot com now!

Haha! Youre awesome!

[SoonToBeWed]

No mother in the picture for me (adopted & grew up in foster care), but FMIL is totally hands off. She will ask questions every now and then but never says anything about any of our plans. I guess she figueres it is our day and we are both in our 30's so we know what we are doing.