OMG his parents can talk nicely!!

[kobfield2007]

The other night I gave my mom the total head count to be invited, 365 people. She was floored. Actaully I thought she was going to have a heart attack considering we only estimated 250! Anyways, I went off at my FI. I told him how rediculous this is that my mom is fotting the whole reception bill and his parents can't even rent a tux. He needed to talk to his parents about paying for the shower or something. So today before we went to my cousins I called him to let him know I was on my way to pick him up. He told me that his parents invited my mom and my over next Sunday for dinner.

Now I'm sorry I told him to ask his parents to help. I mean they're still not renting a tux, but that's wishful thinking.

Anyways, he told me how he had a "talk" with his parents about hte wedding. According to his mom we never asked her to help. Which is a complete lie. We asked her a few times and she kept telling us "that's the bride's family's responsibility." So I got to the point where I was telling his parent's we got everything under control. Which wasn't completely true, but I was tired of them asking and not offering. I'm sure at the dinner his mom is going to say how we never offered to help and I'm going to look like a horrible person b/c I didn't offer to help. Granted my mom knows I offered, but his mom is going to make me look like a mean person. His mom is going to put on this goody goody front, I know it. I've had about 99.9% of my predictions regarding his family be right. And all I wanted was his parents to do the shower. Iw as willing to do whatever was needed. heck I was even going to give them a cheap hall and food..... Oh boy.. What have I gotten myself into?

He also told his mom that she doesn't have to be so mean and rude to me. His mom's response was, "I'm blunt." I told my FI, there's a difference between being blunt and rude. Telling someone they need to lose weight when they never asked if they needed to is rude, not blunt. But his mom thinks that's being blunt.

God help me!!!

Just wish me luck with the whole parents thing!! I'm hoping I can take a few drugs and make it go by really quick. :)

[SoonToBeWed]

Good luck and just remember stand your ground and don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in and what you think.

Don't let them make you feel like any less of a person. Make them treat you as an equal not some sort of child.

[kobfield2007]

Well my mom will be there. And my mom is not a quiet person. I don't know how I came otu to be so polite sometimes. My mom doesn't put up with sh!t from anyone. I'm just afraid she's going to start insulting me and my FI and we're going to get no where. On top of it all, his mom has a thing against "heavy" people. I'm a size 12 and she's constantly telling me I need to lose weight, etc.. Well my mom is an 18/20, so I can only imagine what she's going to think. To top it all off, his mom is the same size as my mom!!! I'm just trying to get this rant out before next Sunday when i have to be in the same room with them, along with torturing my mom with being there too. Plus I already told my mom to take her antihistamine b/c she's severely allergic to cigarette smoke and his parents could care less b/c his grandma has been in and out of the hospital the past few months b/c of their smoking.

[clorigroh]

wow good luck with everything

[SoonToBeWed]

Let us know how it goes. We will keep you in our prayers and hope for the best.

[kobfield2007]

LOL Thanks!! I actually feel worse for my mom b/c she's very stressed financially and physically, and she knows how his parents have been and now she gets to meet with them. Especially after she's heard how his parents have been towards his very sick grandma. I just hope all goes well and they're nice enough to say "We'll throw the shower." Ok I had that dream last night!! :) Thanks. And trust me if it doesn't go well you guys will be hearing about it, after my mom gets done screaming about it!!

[nicola191079]

I've got my fingers x'ed for you,,, good luck !!!!

[kobfield2007]

Well we somewhat hit a good spot last night. i ran to hhis house b/c we hadn't seen eachother for a few days and I needed to get away from my grandpa (AKA Archie Bunker, just meaner). Anyways, my FI, FMIL, and I got to talking. She said she wanted to do the RD> That's great, BUT BUT BUT she's going to host it at her house. I'm all for that if I wasn't always congested when I'm at their house. After being there last night I was sneezing all night and I've been stuffy all day. By tomorrow I"ll be fine. But I thought, OMG if I'm like this now, how am I going to be the day of my wedding after having RD at her house. It wouldn't be so bad if they didnt' smoke like chimenys or at the very least opened windows. I'm confused on waht to do. I want them to help, but they will only help if it's their way, their home, and when and where they want it. She even said "Oh it'll be summer, we can open the windowsn ad get some air in here, etc..." I laughed to myself b/c she screamed at my FI when we had the windows open in his room one day during the summer b/c I couldn't breath. I feel like I'm at a loss here. I just dont' want to be congested, and coughing the day of my wedding. I wanted to host a RD at our place, when we get one, but his mom flat out told us she won't come to any functions at our house as long as I have my cat b/c she's allergic to cats. So I feel like if I retaliate with his mom's offering it may come back and bite me int eh @ss, but I really don't want to be sick the day of my wedding. Then we got into an argument of how many people will be at the RD> I told here's about 20. 10 BP members, 2 sets of parents, FG and her parents, an usher, and readers. So w/o the readers that's 19 people. Then I told her if anyone wants to bring a date they can. She started yelling, "ONLY THE BP MEMBER ARE TO ATTEND THE RD!" I swear this woman cant' talk civally she has to scream. Just b/c I wear hearing aids doesn't mean I can't hear ya!! Good God.... So that was another "fight" that I just walked away from b/c I had a headache from arguing with my grandfather all day. Then his mom keeps pushing the subject that we shoudl've waited. I feel like I'm stuck. I don't want to keep compaling to him about his mom b/c that will only hurt our relationship. He's feels the need for her approval and what not b/c she's never given it to him b/4 so I think having her host he RD is his way of proving to himself that she does approve.

Please help!! What do I do? Do I bite my tongue and let his parents host hte RD and chance me getting sick? Or just fight about it, as it will end up? My mom said just skip the RD b/c it's going to have to be at like 3:30 and not many people will be able to get off work to come that early. Which I'm seriouslt considering that. And I've made it very clear to him and his famiyl since hte beginning that unless the function is being held at mine nadh is place, no functions are to be held at anyone's house b/c if someone break something, steal something, spills something, or just does something wrong, I don't want to be in the middle of it. Plus having it at his parents house gives them ample opportunity to insult and degarde people as they do very often. Please help! :)

[young037]

Chrissy... I'm going through the same stuff with my in-laws! At least your fiance talked to his parents about helping. My in-laws paid for every last thing when it came to his sister's wedding, not to mention all of her college loans AND her first year's mortgage payments when they bought their home... but she won't offer to help us b/c "it's the bride's family's responsibility".

We don't ever ask them for anything and my fiance has paid for his college loans himself and we're paying our own living expenses without their assistance. It's one thing for my parents to shell out the money if they didn't have two teenagers still living at home, a mortgage and car payment and they made more than $75K a year, but they don't. His parents have no children at home, no mortgage, no car payments, and make nearly three times what my parents make in a year... and they STILL aren't offering to help.

Boy, they like to tell me how I should spend the money... that we don't have... on the wedding, but they won't help. AND to make things worse, my fiance won't ask them to help because he doesn't want to "burden them" and "doesn't want them to hold this over our heads"... UGH!

God bless my parents for offering to help without being asked. I love 'em! This situation makes me so thankful for my parents!!!

Long-story short... I've gotten sick of her telling me how to spend the money and what to do for our wedding, so now I'm getting "brave" and nicely telling her that it's our decision and our finances. If she'd like to help, then her opinions will be noted... until them... "I'm sorry, ...did you say something??"

WOW... I feel better!!! Obviously I'm PMS'ing, but I can't stand double-standards!! If you're going to pay for one child's wedding, at least OFFER to help with the other's!

Just know that you're not alone on this battle!!!! It's happening to a lot of us!!!

[SoonToBeWed]

My recommendation is throw the nice girl act out the window and stand up to them and state your case. I too am highly allergic to cigerette smoke. There is no reason you should be miserable not only at the RD but on your wedding day just to get them to host the RD. You can tell them that you can't take that chance of having a reaction to the cigerette smoke and being miserable on your wedding day.

explain to them that you would rather then either foot the entire bill or part of it and have it at either a restaurant or one of the local parks, this way not only does it please his parents but your mom as well (no cats).

Unfortunatly sometimes the nice side of us doesn't work, and you have to be a witch about things to get your point across and for certain people to really get it when you say something.

[stevesgirl]

Omigod! That is just horrible that they don't want to help! If my parents had to foot the bill for our wedding I would be at City Hall tomorrow! I think that both families should contribute.:(