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Old 08-30-2005, 04:34 AM
Colleen Colleen is offline
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Family Stress!! HELP;(

My wedding is at 11:30 and the reeception is at 6pm. My fiance told me he wanted to move the reception up to 5pm because of out of town guests. His mom is worried about the big gap in between. I see nothing wrong with them (out of town guests) sight seeing, but I guess that is out of the question.
We already signed the contract and don't see what the big deal is My mom wants to host a luncheon in between for immediate family, but my inlaws don't want to go over there, they would rather be with their family. So what more can I do???????? I am so stressed and my fiance and I got in a huge fight. It is not my fault he has family out of town......and he brings this up 6 months after we are engaged and planning everything. What should I do???? Who is in the wrong......me him, or his mom. I told him that we can't make everyone happy and it is OUR wedding, but I think is doesn't want his mom to be upset. I am..............only because she told him to ask if we can change the time of our reception She also knew about this for 6 months.

Last edited by Colleen : 08-30-2005 at 04:39 AM.
Old 08-30-2005, 05:28 PM
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halfpin21 halfpin21 is offline
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Hey! I'm not an 2008 bride but I figure I can offer some assistance. First, this is from me :hugs: Now we tackle the issue. Figuring your ceremony starts at 11:30 and will last until 12:00 (that's if you start on time), you are looking at 6 hours before your reception begins. May I ask, what are you, your Fh, and bridal party plan to do in that time?

Your mother has a great idea regarding the luncheon and maybe that can stressed that it would be a great time for both groups to migle since that rarely happens at a reception. I know it sounds like "his family" and "my family" right now but eventually "his family" will become "your family". Really, I don't think that moving the reception up an hour would really make a difference. Maybe you can move your ceremony closer to 1 p.m. (you might treasure the time in the morning to get ready for the wedding)...I've heard ppl say that the extra time ended up being so valuable to them. If not, then work with your FH to come to a compromise. If you're planning on being married, it'll mean a lot of compromise to appease the other person. Think about how it might affect you if the situation were reverse and what you would like to offer your guests.

Above all, talk to your FH...don't fight...remember why you're getting married in the first place. Keep us updated and I'll stop by to see how you're doing.

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Old 08-31-2005, 12:27 PM
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jtaylorvt jtaylorvt is offline
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Hi Colleen,

I have a friend who had a similar situation with a large amount of time between her ceremony and reception. She also experienced a lot of resistance from her fiance's family regarding this and was very stressed about it. What she ended up doing was listing a variety of activities that could be done in the area during this time and including it with her invitations. Afterwards she told me that the time in between the ceremony and reception really helped as they chose to take their bridal party and family pictures then and she was more relaxed at the reception and did not have to miss any of the cocktail hour. Just remember, it is you and your fiance's big day and it is most important that you enjoy yourselves!

Best of luck!

Old 09-03-2005, 06:35 AM
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Sabby12s Sabby12s is offline
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I totally agree that this is your big day and you should do whatever makes you happy. That being said...

My parents were invited to a wedding that had a similar problem. The ceremony is at 2 and the reception is at 6pm. Needless to say that they knew right off the bat that they were not going to go to the wedding. In the end, they decided to not attend at all because they had to drive over an hour away, the live in New England so this is a big deal, and it was late at night for them, usually my mom is in bed by 6pm. They would have attended if the wedding had been earlier and if the wedding ceremony was several hours earlier than the reception. Not to mention the fact that the ceremony was over an HOUR away from the reception. To me, that just sounds too complicated and had that been one of my friends I would have felt really put out.

I completely understand that its your day, I'm planning a wedding too, but you have to realize that some of your guests aren't going to attend if its too complicated or if it really puts them out. Just something to think about.
Old 09-08-2005, 03:55 AM
Colleen Colleen is offline
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Thanks for the help:)

My fiance and I talked and we are going to keep as is. In between the ceremony and reception us and the bridal party will have a mini bus and take pictures all around the area
I posted on the wrong one............I am a 2006 bride. Thanks again for all of your input
Old 09-15-2005, 05:10 PM
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Cristina Cristina is offline
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I agree that this is your day and you should do it however you want it. I am sorry that your FH's family is stressing you out over this.

However, I attended a wedding with a similar scenario. There was a 5 1/2 hour difference from the ceremony and cocktail hour. I felt insulted by this because even though we were in a large city where we could sightsee, we felt like we (the guests) were all an afterthought for their wedding; our time or what we did with it did not matter. I believe that to a point this is a bride and groom's day, but I see it as this is the first major party/event you throw as husband and wife, and that your hostessing skills should come into play here.

As for the wedding we attended, we were already in our nice outfits, so we did not want to go back to the hotel 1/2 hour away from the church, change, sightsee, come back, shower, change again, and take public transport for 45 mins to get to the cocktail hour. So along with some other guests, we went a bar near the church and hung out there until it was time to leave. As a guest, I felt incredibly inconvienenced. I understand now why my FILs say that we have to keep our guests in mind for our wedding day. I know some people who took money out of the envelope because they were so displeased with the day's timeline. The B&G never even got to half their tables to say hello, but that is another thread

That being said, I think I agree with your FMIL to push the cocktail hour to 5 instead of 6. Your guests might appreciate that. Will it take you all 3-4 hours for pictures? If so, is there a way to include your guests on a tour of the city, maybe? Invite them all to tag along somehow, and have them take pictures of you all or the cityscapes? Or at least give them the option of doing that, so that the guests don't feel so left out or made to feel as though they are afterthoughts.

Good luck Ultimately, don't let your MIL's opinion influence what you do - if that is the way you want it, go right ahead - it's your day and your decision, not theirs

PS - I think you can have this thread moved to 2006, if you ask an admin...not sure though.
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